you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize