Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
