MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
