Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
