At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
