Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
