You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
