Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
