Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
