legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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