my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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