Pants 0. Shit 1.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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