Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
