I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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