Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
