my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
