i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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