some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
