Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize