i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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