Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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