i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
