She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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