Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
