Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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