She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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