I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize