How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
