Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
