I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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