Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
