do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dignity is for republicans.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
