I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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