i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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