He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
