At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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