Your face is a jimmy john
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
