A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize