careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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