I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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