Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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