Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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