Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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