I heard we made out
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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