She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
