Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
