just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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