you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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