Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize