Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
