glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
