Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You took a bar mat shot.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
