I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
