Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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