I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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