cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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