i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
