i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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