I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
