Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
