We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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