The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
