In the future we'll all be gay
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Randomize
