I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
