do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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