you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
