i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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